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Prosciutto – Hamming it up with the di Parmas, Part Foooooouuuuuuur!

By Undercovergeek, 26 September 2012

A Crusader Kings II AAR, with all the seriousness of a cooler full of lunch meat

click images to enlarge


In Part 3 the long awaited claim on Genoa was finally written. With extraordinary good timing Parma marched on the city, now with extraordinary bad timing the Genoese have come back for their province.............




That was quick – only recently sent to Genoa’s neighbouring province Nice, claims are fabricated and we can expand even further. Together Genoa and Nice make up the Duchy of Genoa, hopefully our first ‘promotion’ from Count to Duke.
In the background (all these messages came up at once) you can see the two ‘post battle’ armies of Genoa (985) and Parma (948). Genoa only just won the first round and is now ‘reseiging’ the City of Genoa back from me whilst Oberto is forced to withdraw to Parma.




Having marched back to Parma in shame Oberto keeps the mercenaries but disbands his own army. In doing so it allows him to draw fresh levies from the provinces and march straight back to Genoa with a bigger force this time. Exhausted from the first battle and having low morale from attempting to storm the walls of the City, the Genoans are soundly beaten and kicked back into Nice. It’s the Doge’s only province, we get a 100% warscore immediately and force him to give up the place.




First goal achieved, a rich city with a nice stretch of coast so that I can access Corsicas’s forces.




At this point the camera pans back from the province and hovers in the ethereal mist above Northern Italy, footsteps can be heard, and on screen walks Jennifer Aniston who expertly palms her lustrous hair and says, ‘Now for the science part’. I’m going to take a few minutes and a few screens out to explain what’s happened here because it took many, many posts on a forum and a lot of head scratching to work out what’s happened. I have here a ‘Wrong Holding’ warning, the main consequence of which is a 75% tax penalty for the duration of the game, in a province I won’t get any tax from for a few years as its only just been conquered! So, how is it fixed? As a wise man told me during my quest for truth ‘You are a feudal Lord, you care for castles and fighting, you have no need for a city province’.........




......and sure enough Genoa’s main holding is a city, not a castle. In the bottom left, the picture next to my handsome face shows the actual seat of the County and its holding type – which is a city. Underneath me and the description of Genoa you’ll see three pics representing the three ‘parts’ of Genoa, Castle Barony, Bishopric, and City. To sort out this organisational mess I, Oberto, need to take the castle back from its current owner, the Baron of Luna, this will make the castle the main seat of the holding and free up the City to be given away to a loyal vassal who knows what to do with all the money and stop it clogging up my plans for supremacy.




So it goes a bit like this................ Dear Baron, I know you’re fiercely loyal to your recently defeated Liege, but if you don’t mind, this is my castle now and I’d be terribly grateful if you could pack your stuff, and the big Deer’s head with the antlers above the fireplace and leave. Ok?




There may be some regional differences in language between Parma and Genoa, but I reckon this still means ‘**** off’!




I’d actually expected this to happen and already had the forces of Parma stood in Genoa ready to start the siege – it won’t take long as we’re only fighting for one area of Genoa, not the whole province. In the meantime Bishop Castore (he’s in charge of the new Bishopric in Genoa) gets all shirty about him being a better candidate for the Council – he’s right, he gets the job, and a stab vest.




Giuditta, daughter of Oberto and Wife Mark I (God rest her soul, wherever they buried her), comes of age. She has 2 years of mooching around to do before I can post her to her French Prince, who’s still only 14.




Eventually the Castle of Luna falls...................


In part 5, Jennifer and I explain the rest of the steps to prevent the Wrong Holding penalty, and Oberto looks west for a Duchy............ because he’s worth it.


Read the rest! Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10

Discuss this AAR here >>

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