Author Topic: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter....  (Read 5797 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Staggerwing

  • Blunderbuster
  • ****
  • Posts: 20676
  • "Today your love... tomorrow the World!"
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter....
« on: February 15, 2012, 07:10:14 PM »
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

...What more is there to say?
Vituđ ér enn - eđa hvat?  -Voluspa

Nothing really rocks and nothing really rolls and nothing's ever worth the cost...

"Don't you look at me that way..." -the Abyss
 
'When searching for a meaningful embrace, sometimes my self respect took second place' -Iggy Pop, Cry for Love

... this will go down on your permanent record... -the Violent Femmes, 'Kiss Off'-


Offline LongBlade

  • Unsanctioned Psyker
  • Blunderbuster
  • ****
  • Posts: 27192
  • No Regerts
Re: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter....
« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2012, 07:10:38 PM »
I bought the book, but never really got into it.

Offline Staggerwing

  • Blunderbuster
  • ****
  • Posts: 20676
  • "Today your love... tomorrow the World!"
Re: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter....
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2012, 07:35:27 PM »
I bought the book, but never really got into it.

Huh! I never even knew there was one. I just assumed that Tim Burton dropped another hit of Windowpane
and dreamed it up. Who knew? (...I'm sure folks 'll come out of the woodwork now saying 'Me!-Me!-I knew!')
Vituđ ér enn - eđa hvat?  -Voluspa

Nothing really rocks and nothing really rolls and nothing's ever worth the cost...

"Don't you look at me that way..." -the Abyss
 
'When searching for a meaningful embrace, sometimes my self respect took second place' -Iggy Pop, Cry for Love

... this will go down on your permanent record... -the Violent Femmes, 'Kiss Off'-

Offline mirth

  • Tercio
  • ******
  • Posts: 48615
  • Cardboard Harlot
Re: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter....
« Reply #3 on: February 15, 2012, 07:43:38 PM »
I can't imagine that this would be a case where the book is better than the movie.
"45 minutes of pooping Tribbles being juggled by a drunken Horta would be better than Season 1 of TNG." - SirAndrewD

"you don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire" - Bawb

"Can’t ‘un’ until you ‘pre’, son." - Gus

Offline Arctic Blast

  • Landsknecht
  • *******
  • Posts: 5856
  • Friends, countrymen, lend me your ales!
Re: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter....
« Reply #4 on: February 15, 2012, 08:02:07 PM »
I actually really liked the book, mainly because the author plays it completely serious. Lincoln grows up and lives as he did, only he kills vampires. And vampires controlling the Confederate states are the real basis for the Civil War. It was ridiculous but entertaining.

Online Gusington

  • The Jewish Missile
  • Global Moderator
  • Tercio
  • *****
  • Posts: 42198
  • You must be at most 'this tall' to ride the Gus.
Re: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter....
« Reply #5 on: February 16, 2012, 08:22:23 AM »
^How could that not be good??
"...feels like a 39.99 game to me.”

- Grim Reaper, Grogheads Seer

Offline LongBlade

  • Unsanctioned Psyker
  • Blunderbuster
  • ****
  • Posts: 27192
  • No Regerts
Re: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter....
« Reply #6 on: February 16, 2012, 08:25:47 AM »
^How could that not be good??

I don't recall it being bad, I just didn't get hooked. Probably I ought to dig the book up and look at it again. I had a similar experience with Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies. I liked it, but lost interest after a few chapters.

Offline Centurion40

  • Captain Obvious
  • Arquebusier
  • ***
  • Posts: 13013
Re: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter....
« Reply #7 on: February 16, 2012, 08:34:14 AM »
I was kinda hoping that part of the story is that he faked his assassination to focus on huntin' vampires, and that he'd time travel to the present to kill Edward & Bella!!  :)
Any time is a good time for pie.

Online Gusington

  • The Jewish Missile
  • Global Moderator
  • Tercio
  • *****
  • Posts: 42198
  • You must be at most 'this tall' to ride the Gus.
Re: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter....
« Reply #8 on: February 16, 2012, 08:49:18 AM »
Hmm I want more of a revamped history of the Civil War Against the Vampires. Gotta check out Amazon for this.
"...feels like a 39.99 game to me.”

- Grim Reaper, Grogheads Seer

Offline Centurion40

  • Captain Obvious
  • Arquebusier
  • ***
  • Posts: 13013
Re: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter....
« Reply #9 on: February 16, 2012, 08:50:59 AM »
I'd be more likely to shell-out for a ticket if he kills Edward & Bella.  :)
Any time is a good time for pie.

Online Gusington

  • The Jewish Missile
  • Global Moderator
  • Tercio
  • *****
  • Posts: 42198
  • You must be at most 'this tall' to ride the Gus.
Re: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter....
« Reply #10 on: February 16, 2012, 09:07:53 AM »
^I'm assuming Edward & Bella are from Twilight. I would like to confirm that I am proud that I cannot confirm that. My daughters aren't old enough for that crap yet.
"...feels like a 39.99 game to me.”

- Grim Reaper, Grogheads Seer

Offline Centurion40

  • Captain Obvious
  • Arquebusier
  • ***
  • Posts: 13013
Re: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter....
« Reply #11 on: February 16, 2012, 09:18:53 AM »
Sounds interesting to me.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Lincoln,_Vampire_Hunter

Quote
The epistolary-style book is written as a biography of Abraham Lincoln, based on "secret diaries" kept by the 16th President and given to the author by a vampire named Henry Sturges.

When Lincoln is eleven years old, he learns from his father Thomas Lincoln that vampires are in fact real. Thomas explains to his son that a vampire killed Abraham's grandfather (also named Abraham Lincoln) in 1786. Young Abraham is also shocked to learn that his beloved mother Nancy Hanks Lincoln succumbed not to milk sickness but rather to being given a "fool's dose" of vampire blood, the result of Thomas's failure to repay a debt. Lincoln vows in his diary to kill as many vampires as he can. A year later he lures the vampire responsible for his mother's death to the family farm and manages to kill it with a homemade stake.

At the age of sixteen Lincoln gets word of a possible vampire attack along the Ohio River and investigates, but this time he is no match for the vampire and is nearly killed. He is saved at the last moment by the intervention of the vampire Henry Sturges. Henry nurses Lincoln back to health and explains some of the nature of vampirism, emphasizing that some vampires are good and others are evil. Lincoln spends the summer with Henry and trains for combat, becoming a skilled wrestler and axe-handler. For several years following, Henry sends Lincoln the names and addresses of evil vampires; Abraham dutifully tracks them down and kills them.

As a young adult Lincoln and a friend travel down the Mississippi River to New Orleans on a flatboat to sell a number of goods. Here Lincoln's life is changed forever after he witnesses a slave auction. Lincoln follows a slave buyer and his new slaves back to their plantation and discovers to his horror that the buyer is a vampire - the slaves are to be used not for labor but for food. Lincoln writes in his diary his belief that vampires will continue to exist in America as long as they can easily buy their victims in this manner - to end slavery is to end the scourge of vampires. Lincoln becomes an Abolitionist.

Lincoln returns to his home in New Salem and begins his business and political careers by day, continuing to track down the vampires in Henry's letters at night. His life is once again tinged by tragedy when his fiancee Ann Rutledge is attacked and murdered by her ex-fiance John McNamar, now a vampire living in New York City. With Henry's help, Lincoln catches McNamar and kills him, but he decides to give up vampire hunting and instead concentrate on his daytime pursuits. He marries Mary Todd, begins to raise a family, starts a law firm, and is elected to a term in the United States House of Representatives.

While in Washington, Lincoln meets his old friend Edgar Allan Poe, who also knows the truth about vampires. Poe tells Lincoln that the vampires are being chased out of their ancestral homes in Europe (in part because of a public outcry over the bloody atrocities of Elizabeth Báthory) and are flocking to America because of the slave trade. Poe warns that if the vampires are left unchecked they will eventually seek to enslave all Americans, white and black. Lincoln leaves Washington in 1849 and declines to seek re-election; Poe is found murdered that same year in Baltimore, the victim of a vampire attack.

In 1857 Henry summons Lincoln to New York City. Here Lincoln and fellow vampire slayer William Seward are told that the vampires in the South intend to start a civil war so that they can conquer the north and enslave all humans of America. Lincoln is ordered to debate Stephen A. Douglas in what become known as the Lincoln-Douglas debates. Although Lincoln loses to Douglas (an ally of the Southern vampires), he gains a great deal of publicity and respect, which allows him to capture the Republican Party nomination for president and then the office itself.
Any time is a good time for pie.

Online Gusington

  • The Jewish Missile
  • Global Moderator
  • Tercio
  • *****
  • Posts: 42198
  • You must be at most 'this tall' to ride the Gus.
Re: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter....
« Reply #12 on: February 16, 2012, 09:22:49 AM »
^Very, very impressive. I'm going to get that book.
"...feels like a 39.99 game to me.”

- Grim Reaper, Grogheads Seer

Offline mirth

  • Tercio
  • ******
  • Posts: 48615
  • Cardboard Harlot
Re: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter....
« Reply #13 on: February 16, 2012, 10:06:54 AM »
Damn that is pretty cool. Can't believe I didn't hear about it before. That premise would actually make for a good television series.
"45 minutes of pooping Tribbles being juggled by a drunken Horta would be better than Season 1 of TNG." - SirAndrewD

"you don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire" - Bawb

"Can’t ‘un’ until you ‘pre’, son." - Gus

Offline Centurion40

  • Captain Obvious
  • Arquebusier
  • ***
  • Posts: 13013
Re: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter....
« Reply #14 on: February 16, 2012, 10:15:12 AM »
Damn that is pretty cool. Can't believe I didn't hear about it before. That premise would actually make for a good television series.

I thought the exact same thing.  A 2 season miniseries on HBO or AMC.
Any time is a good time for pie.