All those mortician jokes? They are true

Started by besilarius, October 01, 2017, 09:43:18 PM

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besilarius

October 01, 2017, 09:43:18 PM
"Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out until too late that he's been playing with two queens all along".  Terry Pratchett.

During filming of Airplane, Leslie Nielsen used a whoopee cushion to keep the cast off-balance. Hays said that Nielsen "played that thing like a maestro"

Tallulah Bankhead: "I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me."

"When all other trusts fail, turn to Flashman." — Abraham Lincoln.

"I have enjoyed very warm relations with my two husbands."
"With your eyes closed?"
"That helped."  Lauren Bacall

Master Chiefs are sneaky, dastardly, and snarky miscreants who thrive on the tears of Ensigns and belly dancers.   Admiral Gerry Bogan.

Sir Slash

#1
October 01, 2017, 10:27:34 PM
What a dick.
"Take a look at that". Sgt. Wilkerson-- CMBN. His last words after spotting a German tank on the other side of a hedgerow.

bayonetbrant

#2
October 02, 2017, 05:01:46 AM
That took some balls to pull off
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

BanzaiCat

#3
October 02, 2017, 06:06:06 AM
Way to get a head of the game.

Sir Slash

#4
October 02, 2017, 02:17:02 PM
Worst case of 'Penis Envy' I've ever heard of.   :idiot2:
"Take a look at that". Sgt. Wilkerson-- CMBN. His last words after spotting a German tank on the other side of a hedgerow.

Gusington

#5
October 02, 2017, 02:26:09 PM
Quite the cock up.
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слава Україна!

We can't live under the threat of a c*nt because he's threatening nuclear Armageddon.

-JudgeDredd

BanzaiCat

#6
October 02, 2017, 03:50:54 PM
He could have given them the shaft, if he hadn't been taking them for ten years.

Sir Slash

#7
October 02, 2017, 06:27:19 PM
I hear Madonna's collection is still larger.  :wow:
"Take a look at that". Sgt. Wilkerson-- CMBN. His last words after spotting a German tank on the other side of a hedgerow.

bobarossa

#8
October 03, 2017, 10:09:52 AM
The enthusiasm for this thread is starting to peter out.

BanzaiCat

#9
October 03, 2017, 10:32:15 AM
The DA obviously has a hard-on for this case.

Sir Slash

#10
October 03, 2017, 03:40:21 PM
In order to erect his image probably.
"Take a look at that". Sgt. Wilkerson-- CMBN. His last words after spotting a German tank on the other side of a hedgerow.

BanzaiCat

#11
October 03, 2017, 03:42:28 PM
There's stiff competition for mortician jobs.

bob48

#12
October 03, 2017, 03:46:32 PM
Its a bit of a dead-end profession though.
'We few, we happy few, we band of brothers'

'Clip those corners'

Recombobulate the discombobulators!

BanzaiCat

#13
October 03, 2017, 03:49:21 PM
Well, now that he's exposed, they'll just have to suck it up and pump some more recruits into the fold.

trailrunner

#14
October 03, 2017, 04:32:14 PM
I guess that guy likes to crack open a cold one every now and then.
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