F**k Dell With Sandy, Poisonous Cactus. FedEx, too.

[bayonetbrant]

So we shipped my wife's computer to Hawaii for her to work while she was staying with mom helping take care of dad after his stroke.
I had them package it at the local FedEx store (ex-Kinko's) because then they would be insuring it for the $2000, and they assume liability if it's damaged in shipping.

She has an all-in-one desktop.
FedEx decided the appropriate way to package the machine for shipping was to break the stand that is bolted into the machine, on which the unit sits so that when my wife unboxes it at the other end, it has to be propped up on a wooden block to work.

We checked with Dell; there's no way to replace the stand, because that model is no longer made/supported (it's several years old).

FedEx also banged up the box pretty good, even though it said "FRAGILE" in about 29348572130985 places, and they laid it on its side when they delivered it, even though there were several "this end up" stickers all over it.


So we file a claim with FedEx.  At first they offer us about half the value of a replacement computer, claiming "depreciation".  I politely inquire as to where they expect me to by a depreciated computer to replace the one they broke.  After escalating to a higher life form at FedEx I got the full $2000 by providing a screenshot of what a replacement computer from Dell would cost.


Well, that's where FUCK DELL comes in.  Trying to find out what - if any - options there were in changing the specs on the Dell machine, I ended up making 4 phone calls, 2 chat sessions, and about 11 different people (none of whom speak English natively, or even Detroitly) all to find out that basically, you get what they give you and that Dell is completely out of the custom-computer business.
The two things I wanted to know were
--  Can I get one with Win 7.x instead of Win8, because the VPN at the hospital where my wife connects can be finicky with Win8, but works fine with Win7
--  I know I can get a 1tb or 2tb SATA HD, but what options are there to replace that SATA drive with an SSD, and what's the cost / size option.  That call alone resulted is some fucktard with an accent telling me I can put up to 4 hard drives in machine but that it already comes with a 32gb SSD (for faster bootup) and why would I need more than a 2tb HD just for home usage?  All he kept repeating was that I could put up to 4 HDs in the machine, but never would tell me what an SSD would cost, so I finally concluded he was a fucking moron and hung up on him.


Wife orders new computer on mom's credit card so we can get the ball rolling on this while we wait for FedEx to unfuck themselves and pay our claim for the computer they mangled.
We gave up on trying to spec it out.
Despite 91038457102398 ads all over Dell's website for a free TV with the computer, they don't ship the TV with the computer.  They don't even include it in the order, but they helpfully offer to cancel the order (we need to refuse to accept the shipment) and after it's returned to them they will reorder / reship it.  Fuck you.  Do your job right the first time.

So FedEx tries to deliver one afternoon while I'm picking up my daughter, and my wife is picking up stuff for dinner.  They claim they tried to deliver and no one was home.  I think they knocked on the door with a feather because WE LEFT OUR SON HOME SPECIFICALLY TO ACCEPT THE SHIPMENT.

FedEx says they'll redeliver the next day.  We check package status around 7pm because it's still not here.  "Package damaged, returned to shipping station" or some such bullshit.  We call FedEx to find out what's up.  Turns out the box was stolen off the truck.  Oh shit.  Wow.  OK, so what do we do?  Call Dell and let them know there's a lost package and here's the incident number, etc etc.

So here's where FUCK DELL just doubles down into TOTALLY FUCK DELL UP THE BROWNEYE WITH GIANT FUCKING SANDY POISONOUS CACTUS.
All the phones lines are shut down for the weekend.  Yeah.  All.  Fucking.  Weekend.  You can't report a stolen motherfucking shipment until 3 days after the fact because your stolen shipment is going to interfere with their tequila toga party or whatever the fuck they do in their offshore fucking we-can't-be-bothered-to-help-you centers.

So I'm looking online for a way to get word to Dell that someone just stole their fucking merchandise.  Hey, the chat line is open.  Cool.
Well, maybe not "cool" but at least "open"


OK - leave chat window open, get kids to bed, yadda, yadda, yadda
Things are speeding up slightly.  It actually drops below 1 hour fairly quickly, but stalls there.
Finally, after an hour, I get through to the chat window.
Here's the transcript of the chat


So yeah.  Seriously, FUCK DELL UP THE BROWNEYE WITH GIANT FUCKING SANDY POISONOUS CACTUS

[undercovergeek]

i would have had an aneurism - thats some good rage there on the chat room - seriously i would have popped

[Capn Darwin]

Wow that sucks. I just got shipments from them for new cpu and tv and other than the lack of customization options, even talking with grounded vindaloop Steve, everything arrived pretty fast.

Their service has really dropped from the last time I got systems about 4-5 years ago. Sad state of affairs.

Hopefully you get it all worked out.

[BanzaiCat]

Yeah, my kids' last computer was a Dell. POS. Pass.

[bayonetbrant]

My wife's computer has been excellent for the past 8 years.  The complaint we have is not the computer itself.

[Staggerwing]

Does it have to be a Dell? Can't you just put together a list of what you need (Case, PSU, Mobo, CPU, Mem, Vidcard, HDD/SSD, OEM Win7Pro, Wifi card, etc) and then slap the furshlugginer thing together yourself? A little dab of Arctic Sliver and a small Phillips screwdriver are all you need, along with a couple of hours to install the OS.

[Steelgrave]

BB, that chat line conversation is Reddit/social media worthy. Shame the bastards online where it'll hurt most!

[Mr. Bigglesworth]

BB, that chat line conversation is Reddit/social media worthy. Shame the bastards online where it'll hurt most!

I agree. It's not like Microsoft, where 'you cannot expose our stupidity' is in the fine print of the EULA.

[Greybriar]

What a nightmare, Brant. Good luck in sorting things out.

[MikeGER]

Brant can you provide a good picture of the broken case/stand, both sides/surfaces  ...i assume the computer itself (upper part) still works?

so take the $2000 for all the anger and your time and with the knowledge spread out in the large Grog community we try to glue/mold handcraft the two part together again. (it may not look mint condition, but it will work)

there are kits with small wooden dowels and the fitting drill in the box to repair furniture (i repaired a chair arm rest) and  i also have a composite glue that holds 1800N/cm^2 when treated 45min with 40°C to set and you can laminate with woven glass or even carbon fabric soaked with that glue when you put the pieces together ...all from my local "Hornbach" (a home depot kind of superstore)           

[Nefaro]

I've disliked Dell for quite awhile now.

Just one example of why - I recall them having a big strain of defective hard drives, years ago.  Mid 2000s.  Got a steady stream of customers because Dell's replacement "guarantee" consisted of sending these people, owners of new Dells, a replacement hard drive.  And that's it.  As if all those people who purchased a Dell (dude) knew how to replace a hard drive, it's OS, and that whole process.   ::) 

These weren't old computers, either.  They were less than a year old, which was why they were (supposedly) under full defect warranty. 

Needless to say, the customers weren't very happy with them either.  Pretty sure their CS had been moved overseas by then, so I'm sure it was almost useless too.

[bbmike]

I've had zero problems with Dell and have been their customer for a LONG, LONG time.
That said, I 100% agree with your POISONOUS CACTUS sentiment. That chat transcript does need to be broadcast on social media! WTF Dell? Please let me know how this turns out. There are a lot of Dell alternatives out there.  >:(

[mirth]

BB, that chat line conversation is Reddit/social media worthy. Shame the bastards online where it'll hurt most!

+1 I'd put that on Reddit.

[Boggit]

What a nightmare. :o

It may be a bit late in the day, but check with a local lawyer if you can charge for an engineer to fix the stand and invoice FedEx - and small claims them if they don't pay up. I don't know if you accepted the $2,000 though in full and final settlement?

What a clusterf**k by Dell and FedEx! Did you ever get a proper apology? >:(

[bayonetbrant]

Boggit - we got FedEx to honor the $2k, which left us about $100 short of the cost of the new (and admittedly, vastly-upgraded computer)

No one at Dell or FedEx ever directly apologized for squat.

Humorously enough, though, once I posted the images to Dell's FaceBook page, suddenly I had Dell customer service reps all over the place hitting me up by chat messages wanting to know if my order had arrived, and was I happy with the computer, and did I need help walking thru setup, etc, etc.  But all on FaceBook.  No emails, no phone calls, nothing else.