America at the Bar

[bayonetbrant]

http://thefederalistpapers.org/us/man-describes-all-50-states-if-they-were-actually-people-in-a-bar

excerpt

[Martok]

Bwahaha!!  Those are great! 

[Steelgrave]

Oklahoma is a guy who just got off from a 12 hour shift in the oil field and is drinking a Bud or dozen, chasing it with a shot now and then and staying out too late since he has to work again in the morning. Oh and he might want to fight before he leaves the bar.

[Staggerwing]

They got Connecticut mixed up with Westchester County, NY (which seems to extend a ways into Connecticut but no further than Westport or so). When you get further east into most of the state every third town is a former mill-or-factory town.

[Sir Slash]

Florida is drinking moonshine while riding an alligator through the orange grove to the nearest Publix. NAILED IT!  :clap:

[Windigo]

OFFICIAL CANCON**

Alberta- a young wannabe Texas cowboy with oil rigger hands, drinking Coors banquet. Has big dreams of saving, but spends all his money on hookers and blow.

Saskatchewan- Alberta's dumber younger brother that wants to be like Alberta. Drinks Pilsner from the bottle and listens to Merle/Waylon/Willie on the jukebox.

British Columbia- a hot liberal vegan dressed to the nines. She drinks whatever the boys are buying her, and there's more than a few buying. She likes to lecture people about living more environmentaly consciously, but nobody is listening - they are staring at her gorgeous cleavage.

Ontario- what a young hot mess grows into. She looks OK, but her prime is years back - after too many bad decisions. She is drinking expensive icewine that she can't afford and hanging with New York. She's annoyed that the rest of her Canadian siblings don't like her.

Quebec- a snotty Frenchman wearing sunglasses, a tailored lumberjack shirt and $300 jeans (sporting a hipster beard, university education inspired) drinking some obscure wine that is actually really tasty. He doesn't give a shit who he's hanging with because he's better than everyone else but very sociable. Every once in a while he bitch slaps Louisiana for being so stupid, uncool and unsophisticated.

[trailrunner]

I don't think of Pennsylvania as a pretty preppy girl.  Nothing wrong with the state, but that's not the image of it that I have.

[airboy]

If the Pennsylvania is from Philly, you have to live with her abusing every official of every sporting team.  The abuse of officials is however secondary to their abuse of their own players.  But if you agree that the Philly players suck and the officials are horrible while buying her Yuenglings she will be very "agreeable."

[mirth]

Maine is wearing an LL Bean flannel and drinking Allen's Coffee Brandy

That's racist! >:(

[JasonPratt]

That ain't water in the Jack, though.  >:D

[besilarius]

If Pennsylvania were from Pittsburgh in the 80s, it would not be a preppy looking girl.
Knew a family of Polish steel workers from there.  The wife/mother said that any family get-together that had fewer than three fistfights was called a success.