Boardgame Group Challenges

[agrippamaxentius]

 So I saw a similiar post here describing a scenario where a fellow Groghead was having issues with a disruptive member in his board game group, my problem is a bit different. So recently I joined a "Board Game Community" in my neighborhood. I want to preface this by saying I have some pretty severe anxiety/panic disorder issues so in a social situation I am not one to be the "life of the party" unless I actually get to know a group of people.  So on night #1 I entered and saw the group, I had contacted them on Facebook and they seemed extremely friendly and invited me to join them, but when I arrived I could almost immediately detect that I wasn't welcome.

Me: Hi, is this the Board game group?

"Ignoring me for a few seconds"

Finally someone speaks up "Yeah". Just yeah, no invitation to join a game or anything like that, so at this point everyone at the table "About seven people" had a stack of different boardgames in front of them and they were discussing what to play. I noticed "Junta" was one of the games available and having played it I suggested it, no one even responded to me. Being a voice actor, I have a loud booming voice that's pretty hard to miss xD, whatever I assumed I was new so who the hell was I to decide what game to play. At this point two groups sort of broke off, one to play Guillotine and the other to play Catan. I was familiar with both games, and really enjoying guillotine I went to the table where the group was sitting and awaited my hand to be drawn. They completely skipped me, not even looking at me. Quite frankly I have been treated with more respect by Jocks when I was a young nerd in High School, but to have a group of fellow nerds do this to me? Holy crap.

  I grabbed my things "Have fun guys" and one person said "Later" as they went back to their boardgames. I am white, the entire group is "Asian" not sure if this is an issue, to me race has never been an issue.

Im the kind of guy that gives folks a second chance, so I returned the next week and the same group was there, although fewer people "About 4" I was excited that this time they chose Junta, but I actually had to "ask" to play because I was already getting the vibe that they were trying to get me out of the game.  The conversation was boring, anytime I mentioned something remotely political in reference to the "Banana Republic" style game we were playing I either got no response or a "Meh" while they talked about Yu-Gi Oh and Pokemon Go the entire time. Admittedly when I mentioned Pokemon Go people seemed to get much friendlier/more talkative but in general I have just never felt so unwanted. I said my goodbyes, handshakes around the table so it seemed that at the very least they were able to see me as a fellow human being. We never finished Junta, and after about only an hour everyone agreed "excluding myself" that they would prefer to go out and catch Pokemon, fair enough.

So my issue isn't finding a new group, I live in NYC and im sure there are plenty of other groups out there, many much closer to home as well. That being said, did I do something wrong here? I feel like a creep, maybe  I broke some sort of code or wasn't confident enough. Anyways, would love your thoughts. Is this typical or did I just get stuck with a crappy group? I feel like MAYBE I should give them another chance, perhaps it's a sort of "Greenhorn" test of sorts.

Agrippa

[Staggerwing]

They sound like a bunch of weenies. Try a few different groups and if the reception is warmer then you know you just picked a subpar group the first time.

[mirth]

They sound like a bunch of weenies.

Yeah, that's not a group I'd want any part of it. It's also not typical of most groups I've come across. Gamers may not be the most socially adept bunch, but most of the time a group will at least try to welcome/engage new comers.

[Rekim]

Wow, that really sucks, Agrippa.

My experience was the exact opposite. The first time I walked into the Legion where the club meets I found three or four tables of games that were just getting started. When I introduced myself one of the players promptly got up and offered me his seat. I am as introverted as them come and very much appreciated the welcome. I've met some great people through gaming groups and would like to think that your experience was more of a exception than the norm. Wish you better luck next time. 

[agrippamaxentius]

 Thanks so much guys from what I read here this may be a group of "Close friends" that don't want anyone ruining their little club. Going to try one of the larger groups "Shivers a bit" in the city, at least here I think the amount of people may lead to some conversation.

[acctingman]

I know a lot of Asian gamers and the ones I know/see, don't like to play with non-Asians. JUST an observation

[GroggyGrognard]

Thanks so much guys from what I read here this may be a group of "Close friends" that don't want anyone ruining their little club.

Yeah, I've come across gaming groups similar to the one you encountered that have given off that same vibe. It sounds like you came across a insecure gaming group. You have to tell yourself that it isn't a lack of confidence or that you broke some sort of social code with their group because really they don't know you anyway. This gaming group is externalizing their own insecurities, unfortunately, onto you the "outsider". 
Personally, Yu-Gi Oh and Pokemon Go as main topics of conversation would be my first clue to move on to a different gaming group.



Groggy

[bayonetbrant]

^^^

What he said

[Nefaro]

Personally, Yu-Gi Oh and Pokemon Go as main topics of conversation would be my first clue to move on to a different gaming group.



Groggy

I also thought this was a big neon sign.  Not the type of group most of us, here, would fit into. 

I've seen enough of your vids, Agrippa, to know you have somewhat similar gaming tastes as I, and others here, do.  It could well be a racial thing.. wouldn't surprise me at all.  But, in addition to that, I see little gel between a group that loves Pokemon Go, Catan, etc and those of us who lean towards wargaming, ameri-trash, or even stuff like western-style CCG/LCGs.

[panzerde]

I have to agree, I don't think this was you at all. Definitely the group.

I wouldn't waste my time going back to try again. Given where you are I'm sure there's a group that would be far more welcoming and more aligned with your interests. It sounds like you're open to playing a fairly wide choice of games as well, so I can't imagine there aren't plenty of groups out there that would be glad to have you. What happened to you isn't what I'd classify as typical boardgamer behavior.

[Silent Disapproval Robot]

Sounds a little cliquish.  Did you chat with any of them to see if they've had a couple of bad experiences recently?  I know that at one of the FLGS's I regularly attend for drop-in sessions, the group I tend to play with are a little gun shy about playing with new people if the game's going to be longer than an hour or so because a few of the more recent sessions have broken down as the new people weren't familiar with the games being played and found the rules more complex than they were expecting.  Led to some unsatisfactory sessions.

Having said that, there are also a few regulars at our sessions who are there to play in their group and don't want anything to do with any gamers outside their little circle.  Not much you can do with those types other than let them be and hopefully find others willing to jump in and play.

[GJK]

Join a local ASL group- they're never like that.   

[agrippamaxentius]

Personally, Yu-Gi Oh and Pokemon Go as main topics of conversation would be my first clue to move on to a different gaming group.



Groggy

I also thought this was a big neon sign.  Not the type of group most of us, here, would fit into. 

I've seen enough of your vids, Agrippa, to know you have somewhat similar gaming tastes as I, and others here, do.  It could well be a racial thing.. wouldn't surprise me at all.  But, in addition to that, I see little gel between a group that loves Pokemon Go, Catan, etc and those of us who lean towards wargaming, ameri-trash, or even stuff like western-style CCG/LCGs.

Thanks so much Nef, very true indeed  . Yeah the Yugi-Oh talk in particular really made me want to go out and buy a pocket protector.

[agrippamaxentius]

Sounds a little cliquish.  Did you chat with any of them to see if they've had a couple of bad experiences recently?  I know that at one of the FLGS's I regularly attend for drop-in sessions, the group I tend to play with are a little gun shy about playing with new people if the game's going to be longer than an hour or so because a few of the more recent sessions have broken down as the new people weren't familiar with the games being played and found the rules more complex than they were expecting.  Led to some unsatisfactory sessions.

Having said that, there are also a few regulars at our sessions who are there to play in their group and don't want anything to do with any gamers outside their little circle.  Not much you can do with those types other than let them be and hopefully find others willing to jump in and play.

Good questions and I never even considered this. Online the group creator was EXTREMELY friendly, almost like he really wanted me there. I never took into account that perhaps I came in shortly after some psychopath as described in a similar topic here on this board.  But I have to say I am really tempted to post this story to the groups Facebook page  ;D probably not a great idea.

[mirth]

Join a local ASL group- they're never like that.