World's Best Obituary?

Started by bayonetbrant, March 12, 2013, 03:40:36 PM

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bayonetbrant

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/sunherald/obituary.aspx?n=harry-stamps&pid=163538353


QuoteHarry Weathersby Stamps

December 19, 1932 -- March 9, 2013

Long Beach

Harry Weathersby Stamps, ladies' man, foodie, natty dresser, and accomplished traveler, died on Saturday, March 9, 2013.

Harry was locally sourcing his food years before chefs in California starting using cilantro and arugula (both of which he hated). For his signature bacon and tomato sandwich, he procured 100% all white Bunny Bread from Georgia, Blue Plate mayonnaise from New Orleans, Sauer's black pepper from Virginia, home grown tomatoes from outside Oxford, and Tennessee's Benton bacon from his bacon-of-the-month subscription. As a point of pride, he purported to remember every meal he had eaten in his 80 years of life.

The women in his life were numerous. He particularly fancied smart women. He loved his mom Wilma Hartzog (deceased), who with the help of her sisters and cousins in New Hebron reared Harry after his father Walter's death when Harry was 12. He worshipped his older sister Lynn Stamps Garner (deceased), a character in her own right, and her daughter Lynda Lightsey of Hattiesburg. He married his main squeeze Ann Moore, a home economics teacher, almost 50 years ago, with whom they had two girls Amanda Lewis of Dallas, and Alison of Starkville. He taught them to fish, to select a quality hammer, to love nature, and to just be thankful. He took great pride in stocking their tool boxes. One of his regrets was not seeing his girl, Hillary Clinton, elected President.

He had a life-long love affair with deviled eggs, Lane cakes, boiled peanuts, Vienna [Vi-e-na] sausages on saltines, his homemade canned fig preserves, pork chops, turnip greens, and buttermilk served in martini glasses garnished with cornbread.

He excelled at growing camellias, rebuilding houses after hurricanes, rocking, eradicating mole crickets from his front yard, composting pine needles, living within his means, outsmarting squirrels, never losing a game of competitive sickness, and reading any history book he could get his hands on. He loved to use his oversized "old man" remote control, which thankfully survived Hurricane Katrina, to flip between watching The Barefoot Contessa and anything on The History Channel. He took extreme pride in his two grandchildren Harper Lewis {8} and William Stamps Lewis {6} of Dallas for whom he would crow like a rooster on their phone calls. As a former government and sociology professor for Gulf Coast Community College, Harry was thoroughly interested in politics and religion and enjoyed watching politicians act like preachers and preachers act like politicians. He was fond of saying a phrase he coined "I am not running for political office or trying to get married" when he was "speaking the truth." He also took pride in his service during the Korean conflict, serving the rank of corporal--just like Napolean, as he would say.

Harry took fashion cues from no one. His signature every day look was all his: a plain pocketed T-shirt designed by the fashion house Fruit of the Loom, his black-label elastic waist shorts worn above the navel and sold exclusively at the Sam's on Highway 49, and a pair of old school Wallabees (who can even remember where he got those?) that were always paired with a grass-stained MSU baseball cap.

Harry traveled extensively. He only stayed in the finest quality AAA-rated campgrounds, his favorite being Indian Creek outside Cherokee, North Carolina. He always spent the extra money to upgrade to a creek view for his tent. Many years later he purchased a used pop-up camper for his family to travel in style, which spoiled his daughters for life.

He despised phonies, his 1969 Volvo (which he also loved), know-it-all Yankees, Southerners who used the words "veranda" and "porte cochere" to put on airs, eating grape leaves, Law and Order (all franchises), cats, and Martha Stewart. In reverse order. He particularly hated Day Light Saving Time, which he referred to as The Devil's Time. It is not lost on his family that he died the very day that he would have had to spring his clock forward. This can only be viewed as his final protest.

Because of his irrational fear that his family would throw him a golf-themed funeral despite his hatred for the sport, his family will hold a private, family only service free of any type of "theme." Visitation will be held at Bradford-O'Keefe Funeral Home, 15th Street, Gulfport on Monday, March 11, 2013 from 6-8 p.m.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that you make a donation to Mississippi Gulf Coast Community College (Jeff Davis Campus) for their library. Harry retired as Dean there and was very proud of his friends and the faculty. He taught thousands and thousands of Mississippians during his life. The family would also like to thank the Gulfport Railroad Center dialysis staff who took great care of him and his caretaker Jameka Stribling.

Finally, the family asks that in honor of Harry that you write your Congressman and ask for the repeal of Day Light Saving Time. Harry wanted everyone to get back on the Lord's Time.
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

GDS_Starfury

Toonces - Don't ask me, I just close my eyes and take it.

Gus - I use sweatpants with flannel shorts to soak up my crotch sweat.

Banzai Cat - There is no "partial credit" in grammar. Like anal sex. It's either in, or it's not.

Mirth - We learned long ago that they key isn't to outrun Star, it's to outrun Gus.

Martok - I don't know if it's possible to have an "anti-boner"...but I now have one.

Gus - Celery is vile and has no reason to exist. Like underwear on Star.


Greybriar

Regardless of how good a PC game may be it will always have its detractors and no matter how bad a PC game may be it will always have its fans.

bayonetbrant

Here's another entry in the "great obituary" contest

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/savannah/obituary.aspx?pid=166950349#sthash.63twf5tQ.dpbs

QuoteWilliam Freddie McCullough - BLOOMINGDALE - The man. The myth. The legend. Men wanted to be him and women wanted to be with him. William Freddie McCullough died on September 11, 2013.
Freddie loved deep fried Southern food smothered in Cane Syrup, fishing at Santee Cooper Lake, Little Debbie Cakes, Two and a Half Men, beautiful women, Reeses Cups and Jim Beam. Not necessarily in that order. He hated vegetables and hypocrites. Not necessarily in that order.
He was a master craftsman who single -handedly built his beautiful house from the ground up. Freddie was also great at growing fruit trees, grilling chicken and ribs, popping wheelies on his Harley at 50 mph, making everyone feel appreciated and hitting Coke bottles at thirty yards with his 45.
When it came to floor covering, Freddie was one of the best in the business. And he loved doing it.
Freddie loved to tell stories. And you could be sure 50% of every story was true. You just never knew which 50%. Marshall Matt Dillon, Ben Cartwright and Charlie Harper were his TV heroes. And he was the hero for his six children: Mark, Shain, Clint, Brandice, Ashley and Thomas.
Freddie adored the ladies. And they adored him. There isn't enough space here to list all of the women from Freddie's past. There isn't enough space in the Bloomingdale phone book. A few of the more colorful ones were Momma Margie, Crazy Pam, Big Tittie Wanda, Spacy Stacy and Sweet Melissa (he explained that nickname had nothing to do with her attitude). He attracted more women than a shoe sale at Macy's.
He got married when he was 18, but it didn't last. Freddie was no quitter, however, so he gave it a shot two more times. It didn't work out with any of the wives, but he managed to stay friends with them and their parents. In between his many adventures, Freddie appeared in several films including The Ordeal of Dr. Mudd, A Time for Miracles, The Conspirator, Double Wide Blues and Pretty Fishes.
When Freddie took off for that pool party in the sky, he left behind his sons Mark McCullough, Shain McCullough and his wife Amy, Clint McCullough and his wife Desiree, and Thomas McCullough and his wife Candice; and his daughters Brandice Chambers and her husband Michael, Ashley Cooler and her husband Justin; his brothers Jimmie and Eddie McCullough; and his girlfriend Lisa Hopkins; and seven delightful grandkids.
Freddie was killed when he rushed into a burning orphanage to save a group of adorable children. Or maybe not. We all know how he liked to tell stories. Savannah Morning News September 14, 2013
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

Martok

"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

Centurion40

Any time is a good time for pie.

GDS_Starfury

Toonces - Don't ask me, I just close my eyes and take it.

Gus - I use sweatpants with flannel shorts to soak up my crotch sweat.

Banzai Cat - There is no "partial credit" in grammar. Like anal sex. It's either in, or it's not.

Mirth - We learned long ago that they key isn't to outrun Star, it's to outrun Gus.

Martok - I don't know if it's possible to have an "anti-boner"...but I now have one.

Gus - Celery is vile and has no reason to exist. Like underwear on Star.


LongBlade

That second photo looks like a hetero Gandalf.
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

undercovergeek

Quote from: LongBlade on September 19, 2013, 05:33:21 PM
That second photo looks like a hetero Gandalf.

like Bob Gandalf has shunned the need for sexual gratification, and instead gets his jollies hanging around with small hairy men

Staggerwing

Quote from: undercovergeek on September 19, 2013, 06:01:37 PM
Quote from: LongBlade on September 19, 2013, 05:33:21 PM
That second photo looks like a hetero Gandalf.

like Bob Gandalf has shunned the need for sexual gratification, and instead gets his jollies hanging around with small hairy men

I think we might be mixing up our Boomtown Rats with our Gray Wizards...
Vituð ér enn - eða hvat?  -Voluspa

Nothing really rocks and nothing really rolls and nothing's ever worth the cost...

"Don't you look at me that way..." -the Abyss
 
'When searching for a meaningful embrace, sometimes my self respect took second place' -Iggy Pop, Cry for Love

... this will go down on your permanent record... -the Violent Femmes, 'Kiss Off'-

"I'm not just anyone, I'm not just anyone-
I got my time machine, got my 'electronic dream!"
-Sonic Reducer, -Dead Boys

airboy

Quote from: LongBlade on September 19, 2013, 05:33:21 PM
That second photo looks like a hetero Gandalf.

It does not get any better.

bayonetbrant

Another entry for a great obit.

QuoteI have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, apparently, I'm dead. The good news is that if you're reading this, you are most definitely not (unless they have wifi in the afterlife). Yes, this sucks. It sucks beyond words, but I'm just so beyond grateful that I lived a life so full of love, joy and amazing friends. I've never written an obituary before, so bear with me...

I was born in West Allis, Wisconsin (Stallis!) on Nov. 30, 1979, to Roman and Carla Sikorski, wonderful people who raised me surrounded by unconditional love and unwavering support. I grew up and had a blast with my brother, Ryan Sikorski, and those memories were ones I always held close. He's an awesome dude. My amazing aunts and uncles, Lauree, Chuck, Don and Pat also made sure we weren't short on fond memories of childhood. After graduating from Milwaukee Pius XI in 1998, I moved to Madison to attend the UW, where my diploma tells me I earned a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Sociology in between visits to State Street Brats and the Terrace. Most importantly, that was where I met the love of my life, Jeffrey McManamy, on a Badger Saturday and my life truly began.

Jeff and I were inseparable from the moment we met and every day was full of love and laughter. We moved to Jeff's hometown of McFarland and were married May 20, 2006. After years of fun, binge drinking, irresponsibility and countless awesome adventures, we welcomed our daughter, Brianna Noelle McManamy, into our family on April 22, 2011 (the happiest day of our lives). That is when the fun really began. I loved every second of being Bri's mommy and will love her with my whole heart and be proud of her for all eternity.

With my stage four cancer diagnosis in 2014, we made the decision to live life, rather than focus on the unfairness of the universe. And live, we did. I was unbelievably lucky to live life the way I did, in the moment and appreciating every day. I retired from my research specialist position at UW-Madison SMPH to focus on what's important in life: my family. And we created memories that are so incredible; I often have to pinch myself to make sure it was reality. My life was a dream and, despite cancer, often too good to be true. From our magical Disney trip to Mommy Mondays to our Badger Football excitement, to simply snuggling and having dance parties at home, every moment was cherished. I love nothing more than being Brianna's mommy. And I truly believe that the laughter and love we shared will live on forever. It's all still here. My love and support will embrace Brianna eternally and I will always, always be proud of her. Brianna, if you close your eyes, I will always be right by your side. I'll whisper I love you in the wind that blows your curls and as you keep moving on, my love for you will never die, it will always stay strong.

Most importantly, I was unbelievably lucky to spend over a decade with the love of my life and my best friend. True love and soulmates do exist. Every day was full of laughter and love with Jeff by my side. He is genuinely the best husband in the universe. Even on the worst days you could imagine, we found a way to laugh together. I love him more than life itself and I believe that a love like ours is so special it will live forever. Time is the most precious thing in this world and to have shared my life for so long with Jeff is something I am incredibly grateful for. I love you, Jeff. I believe that the awesomeness that is Brianna is our love brought to life, which is pretty beautiful. It absolutely breaks my heart to have to say goodbye. If it's half as sad for you as it is for me, it breaks my heart over again because the last thing I ever want to do is make you sad. I hope that with time, you can think of me and smile and laugh, because, wow, did we have a magnificent life. Go google Physicist's Eulogy and know that it is a scientific fact I will always be with you and Bri in some way.

I hate making people sad, so please don't think of me with pity or sadness. Smile, friends, knowing that we had a blast together and that time was amazing. Please laugh at the memories we made and the fun we had and tell Bri stories so she always knows how much I love her and how I wanted nothing more than to be here with her (and make me sound waaay cooler than I am please). And don't say I lost to cancer. Because cancer may have taken almost everything from me, but it never took my love or my hope or my joy. It wasn't a "battle" it was just life, which is often brutally and randomly unfair, and that's simply how it goes sometimes. I didn't lose. The way I lived for years with cancer is something I consider a pretty big victory.

I came to discover that as you age, your family includes all those you love and ours is far too extensive to list here. But, you know who you are. Thank you for making our life so full of happiness, hilarity and love. Next time you open a bottle of wine to soak in a sunset, please think of me and smile.

I want to especially thank Dr. Sanyal, Dr. MacKay, Dr. Moore, and the AMAZING team of nurses at Dean Oncology and Agrace Hospice. You were there on the worst days of my life and I couldn't have done this without you all. I was able to enjoy life knowing with full confidence that I was getting the best care possible and you were fighting for as much time as I could get with Bri and Jeff. Thank you for taking such great care of me while respecting our priorities.

I love you all, friends, and thank you for the most wonderfully awe-inspiring life. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you long, healthy lives and I hope you can experience the same appreciation for the gift of each day that I did. If you go to my funeral, please run up a bar tab that would make me proud. And there had better be a dance party at some point. Celebrate the beauty of life because you know that's what I want and I believe that in a weird way, I will be there too (you know how much I hate missing out on fun). Know that I want you to wear whatever makes you happy (yes, I mean those ridiculously cute shoes that you never have the occasion to wear). The service should be a celebration. I look forward to haunting each one of you, so this isn't so much a goodbye as it is see you later. And please remember to take a moment now and then during this crazy life to remind yourself that every day matters. And, lastly, a book: Cards for Brianna: A Lifetime of Lessons and Love From a Dying Mother to Her Daughter, written with multiple inspiration book author William Croyle. The timing couldn't have been crazier, but talk about an amazing alignment of the stars to have something so positive and fun to focus on.

A Celebration of Heather's Life will be held at OLBRICH BOTANICAL GARDENS, 3330 Atwood Ave, Madison, from 1:30 p.m. until 4:30 p.m. with a reading at 2 p.m., on Saturday, Dec. 19, 2015.
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

Martok

^  Yeah, that's a good one.  It brought both a lump to my throat and a smile to my face. 
"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

"As long as there's bacon, everything will be all right." - Toonces

bayonetbrant

We've got another entry...
http://obits.nola.com/obituaries/nola/obituary.aspx?n=william-ziegler&pid=181033700&

QuoteWilliam Ziegler escaped this mortal realm on Friday, July 29, 2016 at the age of 69. We think he did it on purpose to avoid having to make a decision in the pending presidential election. He leaves behind four children, five grand- children, and the potted meat industry, for which he was an unofficial spokesman until dietary restrictions forced him to eat real food. William volunteered for service in the United States Navy at the ripe old age of 17 and immediately realized he didn't much enjoy being bossed around. He only stuck it out for one war. Before his discharge, however, the government exchanged numerous ribbons and medals for various honorable acts. Upon his return to the City of New Orleans in 1971, thinking it best to keep an eye on him, government officials hired William as a fireman. After twenty-five years, he suddenly realized that running away from burning buildings made more sense than running toward them. He promptly retired. Looking back, William stated that there was no better group of morons and mental patients than those he had the privilege of serving with (except Bob, he never liked you, Bob). Following his wishes, there will not be a service, but well-wishers are encouraged to write a note of farewell on a Schaefer Light beer can and drink it in his honor. He was never one for sentiment or religiosity, but he wanted you to know that if he owes you a beer, and if you can find him in Heaven, he will gladly allow you to buy him another. He can likely be found forwarding tasteless internet jokes (check your spam folder, but don't open these at work). Expect to find an alcoholic dog named Judge passed out at his feet. Unlike previous times, this is not a ploy to avoid creditors or old girlfriends. He assures us that he is gone. He will be greatly missed.
Published in The Times-Picayune on Aug. 12, 2016
- See more at: http://obits.nola.com/obituaries/nola/obituary.aspx?n=william-ziegler&pid=181033700&#sthash.ztU786Ik.dpuf
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

Sir Slash

Another great man gone. R.I.P. Bill. I'll have a beer for you Brother.  O0
"Take a look at that". Sgt. Wilkerson-- CMBN. His last words after spotting a German tank on the other side of a hedgerow.