Author Topic: RPG Humor  (Read 1079 times)

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Offline bayonetbrant

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RPG Humor
« on: February 08, 2016, 04:06:33 AM »
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Me: How many hit points do you have?
Rogue: I have about...
DM: (trying to keep us in character) You can't say "hit points," they don't technically exist. You can say how badly you're feeling so the cleric can get an estimate.
Me: Alright, umm... how are you feeling?
Rogue: On a scale of 1 to 14, I'm at a 9.
DM: ......... *leaves*
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers


Offline Martok

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Re: RPG Humor
« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2016, 05:08:59 PM »
Okay, that one's going to have me giggling the rest of the night.  :2funny: 

"I just need to add enough bourbon." - mirth

"Like we need an excuse to drink to anything..." - Banzai_Cat
"I like to think of it not as an excuse but more like Pavlovian Response." - Sir Slash

"At our ages, they all look like jailbait." - mirth

"If we had lines here that would have crossed all of them. For the 1,077,986th time." - Gusington

"Government is so expensive that it should at least be entertaining." - airboy

Offline bayonetbrant

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Re: RPG Humor
« Reply #2 on: September 22, 2017, 10:48:05 AM »
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An orc, an elf, and a dwarf find themselves being granted wishes by an Efreeti.

The orc says, "We orcs need to return to power. I wish all the orcs and half-orcs were returned to their ancient lands." The Efreeti nods his head, and the orc vanishes.

The elf says, "The elves need to get back to their roots. I wish all the elves and half-elves were returned to their ancestral home." The Efreeti nods his head, and the elf vanishes.

The dwarf looks around. "Let me get this straight," the dwarf says, "the orc wished for all the orcs to be gone, and the elf wished for all the elves to be gone?" The Efreeti nods. "Very well, then," said the dwarf, "I'll have an ale."
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

Offline bayonetbrant

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Re: RPG Humor
« Reply #3 on: September 22, 2017, 10:49:26 AM »
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An elf and a dwarf come across a drow in the woods while adventuring. Preparing to attack, they are shocked to find an Efreeti which offers the three each one wish. The dwarf asks for his home hold to be filled with the best defensive weaponry possible. Not to be outdone, the elf asks for his home city to be surrounded by a huge, impenetrable wall, with no crack, crevice or even gate to fully ensure his people's safety. When it comes th the drow's turn, he thinks for a minute.
'How high is this wall?' he asks.
'About 30 feet' replies the Efreeti.
'And it's completely impenetrable?'
'Yes'. Again, the Drow thinks, before finally opening his mouth to declare his wish.
'Fill it with water'
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

Offline bayonetbrant

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Re: RPG Humor
« Reply #4 on: September 22, 2017, 10:49:41 AM »
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How many dwarves does it take to change a light bulb?
Five. One to hold the bulb, four to drink 'till the room spins.
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

Offline bayonetbrant

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Re: RPG Humor
« Reply #5 on: September 22, 2017, 10:51:18 AM »
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Orc 1: What's the difference between a Wand of Cure Moderate Wounds and a Rod of Wonder?
Orc 2: I dunno
Orc 1: Well, I'm not gonna make you the party healer then.
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

Offline bayonetbrant

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Re: RPG Humor
« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2018, 11:44:53 AM »
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

Offline bayonetbrant

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Re: RPG Humor
« Reply #7 on: February 23, 2018, 07:58:23 AM »
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

Offline bayonetbrant

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Re: RPG Humor
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2018, 07:58:37 AM »
ha!
The key to surviving this site is to not say something which ends up as someone's tag line - Steelgrave

"their citizens (all of them counted as such) glorified their mythology of 'rights'...and lost track of their duties. No nation, so constituted, can endure." Robert Heinlein, Starship Troopers

Offline airboy

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Re: RPG Humor
« Reply #9 on: February 23, 2018, 05:32:55 PM »


How True. 

Add Empire of the Petal Throne - you can do it if it is weird enough.

Traveler - You can do it if you roll reenlistment 10 times, but by then you are so old you are bedridden.