This one writes itself

Started by besilarius, March 18, 2018, 11:07:40 PM

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besilarius

"Most gods throw dice, but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out until too late that he's been playing with two queens all along".  Terry Pratchett.

During filming of Airplane, Leslie Nielsen used a whoopee cushion to keep the cast off-balance. Hays said that Nielsen "played that thing like a maestro"

Tallulah Bankhead: "I'll come and make love to you at five o'clock. If I'm late, start without me."

"When all other trusts fail, turn to Flashman." — Abraham Lincoln.

"I have enjoyed very warm relations with my two husbands."
"With your eyes closed?"
"That helped."  Lauren Bacall

Master Chiefs are sneaky, dastardly, and snarky miscreants who thrive on the tears of Ensigns and belly dancers.   Admiral Gerry Bogan.

DoctorQuest

"Everything you read on the internet is true." - Benjamin Franklin

"Zero-G and I feel fine....." - John Glenn

"I reject your reality and substitute my own." - Adam Savage, inventor of the alternative fact.

Sir Slash

This is a terrible tragic accident that cost a man's life so I will refrain from making crass funny comments or tasteless puns about it--- at least until someone else does first. My grand father told me when I was young, "Son, NEVER take a nap in a Funeral Home". Good advice.
"Take a look at that". Sgt. Wilkerson-- CMBN. His last words after spotting a German tank on the other side of a hedgerow.

mirth

"45 minutes of pooping Tribbles being juggled by a drunken Horta would be better than Season 1 of TNG." - SirAndrewD

"you don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire" - Bawb

"Can't 'un' until you 'pre', son." - Gus

Gusington



слава Україна!

We can't live under the threat of a c*nt because he's threatening nuclear Armageddon.

-JudgeDredd

mirth

"Man Fired for Sleeping on the Job"
"45 minutes of pooping Tribbles being juggled by a drunken Horta would be better than Season 1 of TNG." - SirAndrewD

"you don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire" - Bawb

"Can't 'un' until you 'pre', son." - Gus

Gusington

'Man Sleeping While Fired on Job'


слава Україна!

We can't live under the threat of a c*nt because he's threatening nuclear Armageddon.

-JudgeDredd

trailrunner

After long career, man suffers burn out.

mirth

"45 minutes of pooping Tribbles being juggled by a drunken Horta would be better than Season 1 of TNG." - SirAndrewD

"you don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire" - Bawb

"Can't 'un' until you 'pre', son." - Gus

trailrunner

It was a hot day at work. Fred was cooked.

Sir Slash

If the services are at the same funeral home, I bet that's one service nobody will fall asleep at. I hear he liked Elvis, "Hunk-a-Burning-Love" was his favorite.
"Take a look at that". Sgt. Wilkerson-- CMBN. His last words after spotting a German tank on the other side of a hedgerow.

airboy

Mark Twain wrote: Never take your dog to a funeral.

Sir Slash

I thought it was never take your kids to a funeral. Or was that never take your first date to a funeral? Maybe it was never cheer at your ex-wife's funeral. No, no. It was never take your Mother-In-Law to a funeral.... and tell her the color of the coffin matches her dress. Etiquette is so important.
"Take a look at that". Sgt. Wilkerson-- CMBN. His last words after spotting a German tank on the other side of a hedgerow.