Florida deserves its own thread

[bayonetbrant]

http://thevalleyreport.com/2016/02/13/florida-man-dies-in-meth-lab-explosion-after-lighting-farts-on-fire/

[LongBlade]

http://thevalleyreport.com/2016/02/13/florida-man-dies-in-meth-lab-explosion-after-lighting-farts-on-fire/

Brant, you've got to quote from the article to get the full effect.

The man's wife was found lying naked on the couple's front yard, reportedly still laughing. "A Blue Angel is when you put a lighter up to your butt and fart on it, making it catch on fire. It's funny as s—," explains the mans wife, who claims to be an expert on the subject. "Normally we go to Del Taco because of their $0.59 tacos, but we made some extra cash this week so we went to Chipotle. The farts you get from there could fill a gas chamber. I know he's looking up from hell laughing his ass off saying it was worth it," she says smiling through blackened teeth, apparently not caused by the fire.

The woman plans on suing Chipotle, which failed to address their peppers causing a higher rate of methane in human farts. She offered a statement, "I'm not mad about my husband dying, I just got my eyebrows did and now they're gone." Chipotle Mexican Grill has yet to respond.

[bayonetbrant]

http://thevalleyreport.com/2016/02/13/florida-man-dies-in-meth-lab-explosion-after-lighting-farts-on-fire/

Brant, you've got to quote from the article to get the full effect.

The man's wife was found lying naked on the couple's front yard, reportedly still laughing. "A Blue Angel is when you put a lighter up to your butt and fart on it, making it catch on fire. It's funny as s—," explains the mans wife, who claims to be an expert on the subject. "Normally we go to Del Taco because of their $0.59 tacos, but we made some extra cash this week so we went to Chipotle. The farts you get from there could fill a gas chamber. I know he's looking up from hell laughing his ass off saying it was worth it," she says smiling through blackened teeth, apparently not caused by the fire.

The woman plans on suing Chipotle, which failed to address their peppers causing a higher rate of methane in human farts. She offered a statement, "I'm not mad about my husband dying, I just got my eyebrows did and now they're gone." Chipotle Mexican Grill has yet to respond.

bummer...

Some of these stories my be exaggerated, embellished or an outright work of fiction. Use proper judgment when reading anything on the internet. Share, but do not repost content without permission. 

[Sir Slash]

Story was a total Gas.

[BanzaiCat]

You can't spell "methane" without "meth."

[bayonetbrant]

http://wncn.com/2016/02/16/road-spikes-stop-mans-backhoe-joyride-on-florida-keys-bridge/

[LongBlade]

http://wncn.com/2016/02/16/road-spikes-stop-mans-backhoe-joyride-on-florida-keys-bridge/

The list of charges he racked up is pretty impressive when you consider that DUI isn't among them.

[Sir Slash]

The Keys aren't Florida. They are the, "Conch Republic". And obviously don't have any Mental Treatment Centers there. Or backhoes that are secured as to be Idiot-Proof. They do have Mighty-Fine Wine.

[BanzaiCat]

I've been to the Keys twice. The first time got so drunk I couldn't remember a five-mile hike we all apparently took. The second time I took it easy. It's difficult to have discipline in Key West when there's 300-some bars in such a small place.  O:-)

[Barthheart]

We spent 4 Christmases in the Keys, Key Colony Beach to be exact. And it certainly ain't Florida.  O0

[LongBlade]

I've been to the Keys twice. The first time got so drunk I couldn't remember a five-mile hike we all apparently took. The second time I took it easy. It's difficult to have discipline in Key West when there's 300-some bars in such a small place.  O:-)

Ah, then perhaps all charges are assumed to have DUI in them? Got it.

[Sir Slash]

Right. Everybody's driving DUI. It's the sober people that cause accidents down there. That's why there's only one road in and out because two directions is the most any of them can handle.

[BanzaiCat]

Just to be clear, both times I visited, we were on a cruise. So no driving or operation of vehicles, heavy or otherwise, was involved.

[GDS_Starfury]

[Sir Slash]

I can see a vague resemblance.