Gettin’ scrambly wit’ it…

By Brant Guillory, GrogDude

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Last time I got cities consolidated, trade deals cut, and caravans launched.

Coco Chanel, Entrepreneur
She’s off to hock handbags to Zanzibar. And truthfully, if you saw the headline “Chanel to Launch Handbag Line in Zanzibar” on a checkout-stand tabloid today, you wouldn’t think it out of place, would you?

I’ve Been Friendzoned
Apparently Zanzibar is in a committed relationship with Belgium.

An Expensive Relationship
Even with the money from my trade mission, I don’t know if I want to spend that much.

Ah, Screw It
It’s just a game, right?

Making New Friends, Part Un
Along Zanzibar’s borders, I now meet Luba

Making New Friends, Part Du
And also M’Banza-Kongo, thoough not on Zanzi’s borders. Who decides to put random apostrophes in the middle of city names, anyway? Was there previously a letter there that they removed? Are they creating a contraction? What if you put random apostrophes in your name? M’artok, or Jar’head, or Diced’T?

What’s The Difference Between “Culture” and “Agriculture”?
Oh, you’ve heard this one already… never mind.

British Humo(u)r?
Or Vicky being a pissant? It’s not in bold red text, so I’m going with an attempt at humo(u)r.

Testing The Southern Hemisphere Integration Treaty
Look Maria, if he takes a swing at you, we’ve totally got your back, yo. But if you go looking for a fight, we’re rather not go looking with you, m’kay?

Scores!
Check out the scores on the right of the window. Oh yeah, my Golden Age is ending, too. But in the meantime, I’m in second, behind only my biggest ally. Not bad for not having a clue what I’m doing. No wonder Vicky’s pissed off – she’s ugly and in last place.

Time to Renew the The Southern Hemisphere Integration Treaty
It’s keeping the British safely at bay. They may be in last place, but they’ve got a lot of guns, and they’re all around me, and they’ve already fought this war once, for realz, too.

Making New Friends, Part Twie
Apparently, this place was named by Mel Tillis. For those of you under 40: Mel Tillis

Reloading the Production Queue
Now that I have the ability to build cavalry, it’s time to retire the Boer LancerScouts and get some guys on horses that can actually fight.

Yeah, Those LancerScouts
The ones busy mapping the world and finding new levels of Frenchness everywhere.

Surrounded
Yeah, so parking J-Burg where I did clearly makes for some interesting connections. As in, “I have none.” But I can still get caravans out from here, and I’ve gobbled up all the land I can around it to make sure I don’t get too tightly squeezed. There’s nothing worse than getting bombarded by artillery in a sneak attack by a country whose entire military was moved up across the border where you couldn’t do jack-all about it, right Ukraine?

Making New Friends, Part Quat
The last of the civs I have yet to meet in this game. I’m 76 turns into a game where everyone’s trapped in a broom closet of a continent, and I’m just now meeting someone. Remember what I keep saying about 3 different parallel games?

We’ll see you next time on “Days of Our Boers…”

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